I've always known I wanted to be a mother. And more than that, I've always known I wanted to stay home with my kids. I've kind of always felt like that was my mission in life. If I could be a mother and give it my best, the Lord would be happy with me. Every woman might feel that way, I have no idea but that's what I've always felt for me. When Jon and I started talking seriously about having kids, it was with the understanding that I would stay home. We both knew that meant probably living with my parents after the baby was born and being completely dependent on student loans through grad school. Ironically, what I imagined to be harder was giving up all our free time and independence. That has been the easy part for me.
I feel judged all the time that I'm not working. It is most likely my imagination, but I can't help wondering if people think is she incompetent, or unqualified, or just plain lazy?
I often hear women say "I have to work" or "we need the money." Shouldn't this apply to me above all? Why does it even both me what other people think? I'm happy being at home, why do I feel all this imagined pressure to be working and helping out financially.
Jon has been so patient listening to me ramble about this for the past year. Finally, the other day he said to me. "I don't get it. I thought this was what you wanted? I thought this is what every mother wants." Hm, he's got a point. So why am I complaining?
I finally asked myself if I could somehow, possibly get a job making $100,000 a year or more, plus benefits, would I want it? The answer surprised me...not a chance. After all, money is only money. It never lasts anyway. But regrets and heartache, those would live with me for the rest of my life. Somehow knowing that if I could, I wouldn't, gave me a new confidence. I chose this and I'm happy, so who does care what other people think!
I am lucky to have such a supportive husband who wants me to be home as much as I do. And really, I'm lucky we can get student loans so that I can stay home. Sure it's a load of debt, but it's an investment in our future and in my kids. And I wouldn't change it for anything.
5 comments:
I completely 100% agree with you. Being home is such a great opportunity. It made me really sad when I was thinking of getting a job a few months ago. Then things worked out perfect for me to stay home. I feel the same way as you though. Getting those loans to help with you to stay home is an investment, definitely. You are being able to raise your kids and it only happens once!
What is that saying? Being a mom is the worst paid full time job--but the most needed...something like that?! Lynette--you are amazing, and I believe that your kids will be better off for the decision you are making!!
Lazy?! Not a chance! This job takes more energy than any other.
Thanks for the reminder of how lucky we are to be SAHM.
U need to read that book I am a Mother by Jane clayson. It helped me deal with the pressure we sometimes feel for staying home. It's the best decision ever.
To each his own. It's a personal decision and no one on the outside needs to form an opinion about it.
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