Country Life

I am learning that living in the country means living with all kind of critters. Little critters that my children are constantly wanting to catch and then keep. The hurt bunny was one that Rocky actually brought to us, although we don't think he did the damage. We weren't able to save that one. Jon found these other two while he was mowing the lawn. We catch frogs daily. The kids have had up to seven in a box at one time. One random day we had a turtle in our garage that hung out with us for a few hours. There's always something lurking around. I think the kids will be stoked when we finally finish the chicken coop and run and they have little baby chicks to play dolls with.

The Hardest Part

You can call it adjusting to four or post partum depression; but life is just, well, overwhelming these days. I have a hard time getting my kids out of the house, at all. Not because I don't want to go places; but because I don't have the energy to fight them into their clothes, through their breakfast, into their shoes, out the door and into the car. Because it really is a fight. The whole way. Even when it's somewhere they want to go.
Then there is the other issue. The fact that I feel paralyzed lately about going new places without Jon. If I don't know what to expect, I don't want to get caught somewhere that Brigham could have a meltdown, Benson could be stuck and Annabelle will be screaming with hunger. Just the thought of it all makes my stomach turn because it happens all too often.
I've decided the hardest part about being a parent to a child that has different needs is not being understood. People really and truly just don't get it. I feel judged sometimes by people who don't understand why we would buy a new car, a new house, re-do a bathroom just for him. I realize it shouldn't matter what others think but it all goes back to that need to be understood. I am surprised though by the number of people who use a wheelchair parking spot when their wheelchair user isn't even with them, a single person who uses the largest bathroom stall just because it's bigger, people who take the wheelchair bench at church because it's at the back.
When we mentioned to our bishop that we really did need the bench for wheelchairs, he kindly remarked that we should just get their early enough to get it. I nodded but I wanted to burst into tears. If he only knew...
I go to bed around midnight every night because I relish the few hours I have to myself. Trying to get as much done as possible. If I want to go to bed earlier; I really can't anyway. I have to give Benson his tube feeding, two "servings" an hour apart. I could use a pump. If I gave him formula. But he is thriving on the tubie mix that I blend for him every other night. I wake up a few times a night to feed the newborn. And, I am still getting up a few times a night to turn Benson. As little as once and as much as four times. By the time morning rolls around, I feel as fresh as a rotten egg. Then we go through that amazing morning routine. The one where I chase Brigham around the house, trying to get him dressed. Feed Annabelle. Dress Benson. Dress Annabelle. Do Vanessa's hair. Redress Brigham. All the while, my mood is escalating from it's a beautiful Sunday morning, to "why is no one listening to me and at least pretending to get ready?!" We end up at church filled with the Spirit and singing "Love At Home."
My desire for Benson to experience life the same as everyone else, just with the necessary adaptations is sometimes so strong it is painful. We bought a new house to try and make it better for him. We want for him, what we want for our other kids. Happiness, independence, fun activities to do. But for Benson; making this happen is a challenge. It also require tons of my time and service from his siblings. Personally, I am becoming a better person because of this but too often I fall short of the challenge. I get selfish with my time and don't want to go catch frogs for him for the one hundredth time. I sometimes find myself thinking things that only bring sorrow and self-pity. If only... Those words never do anyone any good and they are painful. It's better to get them out of my head as fast as they come.
Luckily for me, the atonement is real. I need it hourly. And at least I can start afresh, hourly.

Lemonade

For summer school today we made homemade raspberry lemonade. I had the kids try it in each stage, we counted the lemons and figured out how many whole lemons we used by how many halves we had, and the kids felt like scientists. They were amazed cooking is like science. :) Vanessa also wrote our recipe after. It was a fun homeschool day. I don't always feel this way about homeschool. Sometimes it's a rough road.

New House

Here are a few shots of our new house. The tree line in the picture is our property line. The drive you can see is the old drive that is no longer used by use but is used by our neighbors. The city built a new road and our garage is right off that road so it makes more sense for us to use that road. Although, now when you drive up to the house you drive straight to the garage and that is all you see. You don't drive up to the house looking at the house. It's kind of a bummer because I feel like it takes away from the curb appeal. I feel like the inside of this house is much more beautiful than the outside. If I had an unlimited budget, I would repaint the exterior, put in a wrap around porch, {or at least a wrap around sidewalk} add faux stone to the bottom 1/3 of the house, and completely give the garage a face lift. It may happen one day. But let's not forget...the property is quite beautiful. 

Brady Family Reunion

We spent a week at a lake house in Hyrum. It was just a walk around the corner to Hyrum Reservoir. It ended up being a perfect fit for our family. It was close enough that everyone could maximize their vacation time; spending more time with family and less driving. But also far enough that everyone had to actually be on vacation and couldn't steal a half day at work. I ended up making a shutterfly book for Shauna for her birthday. And here it is. The pictures pretty much say it all but our activities included celebrating Tommy's birthday and Vanessa's birthday (again), four wheeling, play at the water, late night cards, boondoggle, painting rocks, playing in a kiddy pool, volleyball (that's the one with all the Brady siblings), fishing, lots of food, campfire, making cars and having a drive in.

Visiting the Hales

On Monday, we went to Becky's house for dinner and to see her chickens. Micah told us all about them. She knew the breed of each chicken, how many eggs they typically lay, and their pet name. Becky slow roasted a pork on her Traeger grill and it was basically a small slice of heaven. I seriously never knew pork could be so good. It also came up that Becky cuts her dogs hair herself and we somehow talked her into cutting Rocky's too. Thanks Beck!

The Drive to Utah

Jon and I had originally planned to have two weeks to get to his family reunion and back. But when we got in clinical trials, we switched a vacation week so that we wouldn't have to use FMLA for one of the St Louis visits. So that meant one week for the trip out. We decided to try driving through the night. Around 1am, I took about a one hour nap while Jon drove. Then we kept each other awake for the a few hours. Around 4am, I drove while Jon napped for an hour. At 6am, we switched back and I napped for about 30 min. I woke up to Jon pulling into a gas station....that was closed. And, a sign had read that it was the last gas station for 20 miles. And, we had just hit empty. I love I-80. So, we decided to wait for the gas station to open. Jon napped while the kids and I just sat there. They were actually really good. I let them out of their seats and we just sort of hung out. We were in shorts and it was about 50 degrees outside, so way too cold to get out. Around 8am, we decided the gas station wasn't going to open. We said a prayer and decided we needed to keep going and we would make it to the next gas station. It was a great teaching moment because we explained everything to the kids and told them that we were going to need Heavenly Father to help us get to the next gas station. He did and we made it safe. We also made sure to say a prayer to thank Him for getting us there. Back on the road, things were going well again. Until we noticed that they car was getting really loud. Or had it always been this loud? I climbed in the back to try to fix the shaking windows when our back tire blew. We pulled over, put on a spare, drove 25 miles on the spare to a tire shop and bought all new tires. An hour and a half later, we were back on the road. We pulled up to Bradys at 3pm. We made the trip in 24 hours on the dot. Even with our rather lengthy setbacks. The last hour was probably the hardest. I started to get delirious and really needed to sleep. I kept falling asleep but didn't want to fall asleep because I didn't want Jon to fall asleep so I would doze and jerk myself awake and make sure he was still awake. I think I was driving him crazy :)

Lucky me, I got to share foot space with Rocky the whole way.

This was coming down Parleys Canyon. I drove this canyon many times and I can't remember ever seeing it so green.

Annabelle's Blessing

The second week of June we made the long trek to Utah for the Brady Reunion. {And that trek is cause for a whole post in itself. I'll get to that one of these days} But while there, we blessed Annabelle at the Brady's house on Sunday, June 7. My Aunt Charlotte made her beautiful dress based on one that I saw online. It turned out beautiful and I also plan to take more pictures (with a headband because I forgot to pack them) so I will post those soon. Jon gave her a beautiful blessing. I can't help but feel like this little lady needed our family and we needed her. She completes us and I'm so grateful we have her. I am sure I am just beginning to see the scope of why we were lucky enough to get her. It has been so fun to see Vanessa and Benson adore Annabelle. To put my kids' spacing in perspective; Vanessa was Brigham's age when Brigham was born. There is actually more space between Annabelle and Brigham than Vanessa and Brigham. Anyway, this is the first time I've had kids old enough to adore the baby with me and it's the funnest thing. They love to talk to her and hold her. Everything she does is exciting and cute. She is on the fast track to being one spoiled chic.

Just Because